joke (unless your welsh)

[gm0hzi]

A Ventriloquist visiting Wales...

A Ventriloquist visiting Wales walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun.


Ventriloquist: "G'day Mate! Good looking dog, mind if I speak to him?"


Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."


Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"


Dog: "Doin' all right"


Villager: (look of extreme shock)


Ventriloquist: "Is this bloke your owner?" (pointing at the villager)


Dog: "Yep"


Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"



Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."


Villager: (look of utter disbelief)


Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"


Villager: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either.... I think."


Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"


Horse: "Cool"


Villager: (absolutely dumbfounded)


Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager)


Horse: "Yep"


Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"


Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking.


He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."


Villager: (total look of amazement)


Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"


Villager: "The sheep's a liar"

:joke

[gm0hzi]

After returning from the local golf course an old man is moaning to his wife about his game.
'You see, I was driving the ball pretty well but my eye sight is that bad I cant see where the damn thing went'.
'Your 75 Jack!' tuts his wife 'Why dont you take your brother John along with you?'
'But he's 85 and doesn't play golf any more' replies Jack.
'Well, he does have perfect eye sight and he can watch where the ball goes.'
So the next day Jack takes his brother John down to the golf course with him.
With John looking on Jack takes his first swing and sends the ball shooting down the middle of the fairway.
'Did you see that?' askes Jack.
'Yes' comes the reply 'Clears as a bell!' replies John.
'Well, where did it go?' asks Jack, squinting into the distance.


John looks at the ground.


'Uh' he coughs 'I forgot.'

[gm0hzi]

An inflatable teacher was giving her inflatable pupil a rollickin for bringing a pin into her inflatable school.
She said "I am very disappointed in you, you've let me down, you've let your school down...and above all you've let yourself down"



dots edited to discourage andy 8 dits :scratch