Virus Warning

[gm0hzi]

There is a new and dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand. Be on the lookout for this. It seems to beat most firewalls and is undetected by current Antivirus Technologies.

This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreation-Killer.

If you receive this worm from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT as the infection can rapidly and completely wipe out your private life.

If you should come into contact with Worm-Overload-Recreation-Killer, put your jacket on and take 2 good friends to the nearest pub. Purchase several litres of Work Isolating Neutralisation Extract and apply copiously.

The quickest acting type is called Swift Hitting Imbibable Red All-Zap but this is only available for those who can afford it, the next best equivalent is Cheapest Available Sh|te Killer. Take the antidote repeatedly until the Worm-Overload-Recreation-Killer has been completely eliminated from your system.

As usual, you should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends you have already been infected and Worm-Overload-Recreation-Killer is already controlling your life meaning you are a sad git.

Update 05-05-05

After extensive testing it has been found that Best Equivalent Extractor Remedy may be submitted for Swift-Hitting Imbibable Red All-Zap but may require repeated and prolonged application.

You have been warned.

[MM0BSM]

i am safe for now then:mrgr

[MM0NDX]

Along the same lines:joke

18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2,which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.

To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.

Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better. I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.

Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

I eventually upgraded to Fiancee 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2004. Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Whinge.

These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is. Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processes that drain my resources. These conflicted with some of the new games I wanted to try out, warning me that they are an illegal operation.

Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT hard drive, it often crashes. Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called Mother-In-Law, which can't be turned off.

Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2004, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2004 it tends to delete all of your Money Files before uninstalling itself.

Please help!

[gm0hzi]

here is a wee link i just found

http://www.alexisparkinn.com/photog...fire%20pass.wmv (http://www.alexisparkinn.com/photogallery/Videos/ohmygodSpitfire%20pass.wmv)


it needs sound and NO KIDDIES the presenter gets a bit of a fright:eek:

[gm0hzi]

After having their 11th child (Pocahontas Brittany Larson O'Neill), a Glesga couple decided that was enough because they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his doc and told him that he and his missus didn't want to have any more children (Am no wantin ony mair weans).

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a Firework banger available from most east end corner shops all year round, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The Glesga Ned in the Charlie Nicholas parlance said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I canny see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor.

So the Ned went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1" "2" "3" "4" "5" At which point he paused, ........................placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

This procedure is available on the NHS by the way and works in Govan, Barrachnie, Garthamlock, Clydebank, Parkhead, Caldercruix, Shettleston, Carmyle and Barlanark.