The Bad Joke Fiend Strikes Again

[gm0hzi]

A world renowned expert in the sounds of European wasps is walking down the High Street one day when he spots an advert in his local record shop for "Wasp Sounds From Around The Globe". On further enquiry he discovers that a vinyl recording of this subject has just been released and a few copies are available in store there and then. Naturally, being a world renowned expert in the sounds of European wasps he is curious and asks the young chap behind the counter if he can have a listen to "Wasp Sounds From Around The Globe".

A few seconds later the world renowned expert in the sounds of European wasps is standing at one of those little sound stations with his headphones on and a puzzled expression on his face. He removes the headphones, walks back to the counter and catches the young sales persons attention. "Excuse me" he says, "I'm a world renowned expert in the sounds of European wasps and I've just been listening to "Wasp Sounds From Around The Globe", and I must say, there appears to be some mistake. Those are no wasp sounds with which I am familiar."

The young man dutifully checks the recording in question and assures the world renowned expert in the sounds of European Wasps that he is indeed listening to "Wasp Sounds From Around The Globe". Puzzled, the world renowned expert in the sounds of European wasps returns to the headphones and once again begins to listen. After a few seconds he once again returns to the counter and accosts the young fellow there. "Excuse me" he says, "As I mentioned before, I am a world renowned expert in the sounds of European wasps and I've just been listening to "Wasp Sounds From Around The Globe" and I have to say again, those are no wasp sounds with which I am familiar. Are you certain I have been listening to the correct recording?"

Slightly exasperated by now, the young man checks the disc currently playing and with a slightly sheepish grin confesses: "Oops, sorry Sir, I seem to have played you the bee side."

[gm0hzi]

ZEN SARCASM

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tyre.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night